dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
