By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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