We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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