Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
