I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
