my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Houston, we have a squirter
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to calm my uterus...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
