I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
