I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
