Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
