Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
