if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
