just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
