I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
