Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
