I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
