May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
