it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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