I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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