Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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