can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
