Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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