On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
