"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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