I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
