also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.