So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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