cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"