dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.