well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
