If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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