Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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