nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i drank out of a bidet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
