So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
