Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
