An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
