HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
