I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
