U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
