took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
