I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
