Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
