You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
