super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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