He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
