I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
