Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
