can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
