Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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