Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im having a threesome with these popsicles
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
