It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize