So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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