I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
