We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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