i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
