just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
