we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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