i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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