So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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