Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
