Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
