Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site