I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.