Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC