I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize