So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize