Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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