nut hugger
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
