You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
