i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
