I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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