Already got asked if we're dating
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
