I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
